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Prologue A Beautiful Failure I was at an amusing point in my life. Amusing in the sense of, “this is absurd and I really don’t know how this happened,” as opposed to amusing in the “this is enjoyable” kind of way. Really though, I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. I was in the grocery store trying to decide which raisin bran to buy. Normally I’d just buy whichever one I happened to notice first since I was restocking the grocery supply for work so it didn’t matter to me. The company was paying so it was free either way whenever I had a bowl of cereal. But Corey had told me in great detail why he preferred the regular raisin bran so I figured I should actually try to see what the difference was. what the difference was. And that was why I had to smile. I was buying cereal for a living. The sum of my existence was determining which raisin bran to purchase. I was angry at the time, but in hindsight I’m glad Corey pulled me into his office to explain why he liked the regular raisin bran as
opposed to whatever other ones I happened to buy from time to time. I wasn’t really listening but the fact that he and everyone else there saw me as the guy who just got them food told me all I needed to know. Hadn’t I moved out to Los Angeles to accomplish something? Hadn’t I been trying to make an impact in some way out here? At some point my life in LA had turned into just an existence. It wasn’t something I wanted to be doing it was just something I happened to be doing. And I wasn’t okay with that. It was my own fault though. A negative attitude creeped into everything I was doing there because I resented my job for what it was and for the fact that I was still doing it. I goofed off when I was supposed to be working and rarely took my responsibilities seriously. Since I could barely muster the energy to take lunch orders they’d obviously never trust me with anything more important but I couldn’t get excited about something stupid just because it might give me
the chance to someday do something slightly less stupid. Really though, I felt like there was nothing left for me in LA because for all intents and purposes I had failed. When I moved out here, I wanted to get involved in the entertainment industry even though I had no idea how I was going to do it. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but I believed that if I could just get people to see what I could do I’d be fine. After all, I was an attractive and talented young man. And…well…it’s a typical enough story, I suppose. I tried to get in contact with talent agents and managers but they don’t exactly welcome people whose only recent work in the industry was done in a student film. I also found out fairly quickly that I had no desire to partake in the dog and pony shows that are auditions because all you’re doing is lining up in front of a bunch of people who are waiting to be impressed and I don’t like having to perform on command. So what exactly was I hanging onto out here? Being employed with