see everyone and even though they didn’t seem to think too much of it the whole thing meant a lot to me. Because I knew that regardless of what happened in the immediate and distant future, things were never going to be like they were right here, right now, ever again. I was disappointed Michelle wasn't there, even though I expected as much. I knew she was mad but I thought she would at least come and say goodbye. However, it quickly became apparent that wasn’t going to happen. I guess she thought I was abandoning our relationship, which even though that’s an oversimplification I could see why she felt that way. Then again, I don’t know how much of a relationship there was to abandon anyway. At first I was okay with just leaving things like that but seeing everyone really made me feel like I wanted to go out on better terms with her. I really did care about her but telling someone how you feel after several drinks is never a good idea. And trying to do it so none of your friends noticed just makes it
sound insincere and pathetic, especially when you get caught. It didn’t matter though. At this point I knew there really wasn’t anything I could do about Michelle. It hurt me more than I thought it would, but I believed I was doing the right thing and nothing was going to change that. But when the time came to actually get in my car and go, a wave of anxiety came over me like never before. If I had been a bit younger, I think it would have crippled me and I would have done a complete 180 right there. Not knowing where I was going…not knowing where I’d be sleeping…not knowing what I was doing…it would have been too much. And
my car already had a ton of miles on it, so it staying together wasn’t exactly a sure thing. I took a few deep breaths to reassure myself and the feeling quickly passed which was good since I really didn’t have a choice now that I had quit my job and moved out of my apartment. Besides which, Broom said he would make fun of me for the rest of my life if I didn’t go for it, and there was no way I could put up with that. As much as it amazed me to say though, I was actually going to miss Los Angeles. Because I did like living in here. Well, more to the point, I liked telling people I lived here. Living in Los Angeles, but really anywhere in California, was a big deal to everyone who didn’t live here. It carried a certain mystique that nowhere else could match. And sure, Hollywood was part of that. But it went deeper than people who were just trying to be famous and people who already were famous. It was about a phony sense of importance that people who lived out here had. It was about being able to go to the beach at almost any time of the year. It was about people who dreamed of reaching the stars and then for better or worse acted on those dreams. Moreso than any other state or any other place, California is a place for dreamers in every sense of the word.