Getting off at Michelle’s exit and passing through her neighborhood while seeing places we had food or drinks at was strange but somehow comforting. There were so many memories of every kind here. It was proof that whether I liked it or not this was actually happening. And of course being on Michelle’s street was incomparable. How many times had I pulled onto this street and parked here only to drive away a few hours later while vowing to never return? And then how many times did I come back that night? I didn’t even want to think about it. Now though all I could do was sit in the car and take a few deep breaths as so many things ran through my head. Could I really do this? Had I truly driven that many miles? When was the last time I actually saw Michelle? Did I even want to do this? I mean, of course I wanted to know…I just don’t think I wanted to find out. And I realized I still had the opportunity to turn around and not deal with any of this which gave me pause. After traveling across this entire country and being up to do whatever whenever wherever I finally found something I was afraid of doing. It was a sobering moment because regardless of what she had to tell me this was going to be the scariest thing I’d ever done. Crashing an old people party in Minnesota or wandering into a random bar in Arkansas or barreling through the sand in New Mexico was nothing compared to talking to Michelle about our relationship and whether or not she was pregnant. Of course, maybe that was why I drove straight here despite being hung-over and still ready to party. Despite any and all issues with Michelle I knew this was going to top anything I could ever see or do out there. One way or another, this was going to a whole new adventure. I jumped out of the car and proceeded up to her apartment, the same way that I remembered. Everything was the same, including the locked gates, but they had never stopped me before and they certainly weren’t going to stop me now. I went through the terrace and up and out over the pool where I once did a cannonball all the way from the top level. Although I can’t remember whether I was naked or not at the time. As ever, anything was possible. I marched right up to her door but I had to take a moment. This wasn’t like Keara’s door. And it
wasn’t like any other door I had ever knocked on before. If I did this things were going to change forever. All I could do was smile and knock. Michelle looked more surprised than angry to see me on her doorstep, thankfully. I tried to get a look at her stomach but she was in silhouette. Besides, she saw exactly what I was doing and took a step to the side to make sure I couldn’t see anything. She really did know me. Even after all the places I had been and all the things I had done I had no idea what to say or do. If nothing else she would be happy my hair was back to a normal length and color. I think. It seemed like as good a place as any to start.