that it was too. But she wasn’t going to give me the chance and I wasn’t about to pour my heart out in a message. I was going to have to let her go. And I was going to have to figure out where to go from the middle of nowhere in Montana. I had no desire to do either. It doesn’t take long for everything to look the same. Same mountains. Same towns. Same people. Of course they’re all different but when you don’t care to notice or even see these differences, you can’t help but feel as if everything is nothing. As if there’s no point to any of it. I didn’t have Chuck with me to take me to the distinctive areas in these little towns, so there was no way I could find the gas station with the inexplicably large
cans or anything else that would at least be memorable. Of course, out here I really didn’t have anyone. People that I knew from the places I had lived had scattered to different cities across the nation but not surprisingly nobody had made their way out to what was essentially the middle of nowhere all the way up here. Nothing really seemed to be interesting to me anymore though. Maybe that was more about my current state of mind than anything else. At least that seemed to be what everyone I talked to had to say but I really didn’t care what they thought since they were all very far away in every way that mattered.
Nothing struck me about the cities or the settings. I mean sure, the towns had their charm and the landscape was gorgeous but I wasn’t interested in taking any of it in anymore. I only stopped whenever I couldn’t drive anymore and drank wherever I stopped. Sure, it might have been in the middle of nowhere but people still lived here…for whatever reason. But in these people and in these places I could see the kind of satisfaction that I was looking for. And it wasn’t even ever anything that significant. Some of these people were happy just having somewhere to hang out. Others really liked being able to relax and talk with their friends. And some simply genuinely enjoyed being out here, in the middle of nowhere. For my part, I just wanted to be with Michelle again and I saw those same kinds of desires in the people I met here whether they were with someone else or not. But is that all this existence is about? Just finding someone or some people to be with to stave off loneliness and isolation? If that’s the case then the circumstance’s of a person’s satisfaction are moot since it wouldn’t matter where you were or who you were with. You’d be happy and satisfied as long as you were with someone…right? I was pondering such questions with everyone at the bar but I ended up getting tossed out because