he enjoyed it because it was something totally different and new and worthwhile to experience. Just being able to go into the ocean and grab a seashell was a big deal when the largest body of water where you grew up was a lake or river. And I realized I was jealous of that. I remembered when I felt that way about the ocean and even just being out here. But now I didn’t really care one way or another. That sense of wonder was gone and everything seemed old and tired. I wanted that feeling back though and what better way to recapture it by going somewhere new? Since he knew the reckless side of me he wasn’t surprised to find out that I was thinking about moving on a whim. After all, this was a guy I called at 6 in the morning on New Year’s Day to tell him I was getting it together. He was still in college and on the way to class when I called him after being out all night and told him to put his professor on the phone so I could “tell him the score.” I told him I had bitten a
homeless person and infected them with rabies. He knew that I was prone to acts of rashness in every way imaginable but he also knew that I could handle myself. He admitted it might be foolish to give up a life that was safe and secure for one that was risky and potentially dangerous. But since when had I been concerned about such things? Maybe I was the one getting old. Really though, I don’t know why I was even asking him or anyone else about what I should do when I already knew the answer. Staying in LA would force me to become someone who led their life out of necessity rather than choice. And that was a scary thought.
There’s such a dichotomy to Los Angeles. So much to love and so much to hate. Things appear one way in but in reality are completely opposite. The place looks like it’s paradise but that’s all an illusion. Everything from the palm trees to the regular trees that grow out here are an elaborate fantasy because LA is essentially built on top of a desert. But the fakeness goes much deeper than the landscape and it’s mostly because of the influence of Hollywood. For as long as it has existed, the city has taken entertainers of every trade and made them stars. The fame and notority notoriety that Hollywood has created for its product is its greatest success and most endearing quality. Of course it’s all an illusion. They make these stars out to be larger than life but obviously they were just like anyone else although no one seemed to care. Everyone from the stars themselves to the people who paid good money to see them bought into the illusion and they couldn’t get enough. Out here you’d have an easier time selling fame than you did selling food. People came from all over the world just to get a taste of Hollywood and it could be overwhelming. But just being able to take your picture in front of something you had seen and heard about your whole life was invigorating.